When quitting makes sense
We all have it. When things get hard, that voice kicks in and starts trying to seduce you into quitting. Sometimes we give in, while other times we don’t but whatever happens, we end up having this internal tussle tinged with guilt and shame. But I’m learning it doesn’t have to be this way.
Quitting is often said to be an admission of defeat and a sign of weakness but it can be a sign of strength that demonstrates you know the path you’re letting go of is actually not good for you.
I’d always intuitively thought this but also respected the fact that being too quick to quit without proper examination can become a bad habit. So it wasn’t until I came across Steven Bartlett’s 'quitting framework' that I gave myself permission to think of quitting as a potential positive act and one that I actually give much more thought to now.
From his brilliant yet simple matrix, we’re able to see in a neatly laid out decision tree diagram, a sensible example of how we can actually quit by acknowledging our feelings but also balancing this by being rational too.
Let’s take a closer look at the two main reasons that come up for quitting and how the matrix addresses them.
- Are you thinking of quitting because it’s just hard?
If so then the key question to ask is the worthiness of the challenge you’re facing. Is the juice worth the squeeze?
Sometimes we may have started an endeavor without a very good understanding of the level of challenge we would have to face psychologically, emotionally, financially, physically, socially in order to get to the prize. In these instances, this is a great recalibrating question.
Knowing what we know now about the challenge and the prize we’re trying to achieve, is it worth the effort? If not, you can go ahead and stop running against the wind. You can quit.
But if not, and you know deep down the prize is worth the struggle, buckle up. Get help from others, take a different approach, take more breaks but just keep going.
2. Are you thinking of quitting because it just sucks?
Firstly, let’s agree ‘suck’ in this context means the challenge is unpleasant, not necessarily hard. With that said, we need to understand if we believe we have it within ourselves to make the challenge suck less.
If we feel that we don’t have enough resources to change things and the challenge will continue to actually take away from our wellbeing by consistently sucking, then this is an occasion where quitting makes sense.
However, if we feel that we can make an improvement to the challenge’s condition, we can make it more acceptable in some way then we come to a final question. Is the effort it would take to change the unpleasantness worth it?
If it’s going to take more resources from us in the form of time, energy, and perhaps even money than the prize has to offer then this could be a time to end the quest.
But if you can see that the effort required to initiate the transformation towards a more pleasant challenge is within your capabilities, then full steam ahead, make those changes, and keep going.
So there you have it, a more measured and thoughtful approach to dealing with the internal demons that call us to quit at the first sign of difficulty. Hopefully, you can see how you may use this matrix for certain challenges you’re facing now or perhaps in the future the next time the going gets tough.
One criticism that can be thrown at this I’ll admit is that there are a lot of feelings and judgments on a specific given time that this relies on for this to work, and as we all know feelings are fleeting. So how reliable is this matrix really?
Well, I would argue this isn’t perfect, but it’s definitely an improvement on the classic pros and cons list and well worth implementing the next time you face a fork in the road.
Of course, it should be noted that this doesn’t just give us blanket permission to call it quits, but it does give us some space to reflect and think about different paths and the possibility that we may just need to change how we view what it is we’re thinking of quitting, and sometimes a change of view can make all the difference.
