Want people to change their behaviour? Start doing this.
Rather than chew someone’s ear off with advice and how to’s, look instead at demonstrating visible results that can’t be denied.
Action commands respect
It’s hard not to respect someone who walks the walk.
Everyone has an opinion, some advice or just general suggestions to share when it comes to other people’s problems.
But in truth, there are far fewer people that have their own results to back these suggestions up.
When it comes to the business of influencing people, one of the strongest ways to do so I’ve found is to actually demonstrate what you’re suggesting yourself.
People are not stupid. They know talk is cheap and often means very little.
Many would-be advisors though well-meaning, can be inconsistent at the best of times and completely contradictory at the worst.
From experience, and where appropriate, nothing quite beats walking the walk when we’re in the business of persuasion and influence.
With children, seeing demonstrated actions is one of the primary ways they’ll learn.
But with adults, an element of respect comes into the picture.
Most reasonable adults know the logic and well-meaning intentions behind the suggestions they receive.
But seeing these intentions actually executed not only shows people, but it can also be done. But also shows a level of integrity that this is more than just a messenger.
This person actually believes in these intentions enough for them to do them themself.
So let’s look at a few ways we can become a messenger with meaning and influence those we care about with action and integrity.
Be curious but be kind
Before we move people, it’s always important to understand where people are first belief wise.
A lot of the time people want to change, they know they should and are ready to make a shift.
But... They just don’t. Why?
Sometimes people will behave with seemingly sabotaging behaviours and more often than not, these can easily be explained by understanding their current deeper-lying beliefs.
Sometimes it may be a case that they have limiting beliefs around a new positive change of behaviour so they simply can’t even begin until those beliefs are broken.
Whereas other times it may be that the outward belief is not the issue but subconsciously there is a misalignment, where they perceive subconsciously, that the new positive behavioural change will lead to pain and not a desired pleasurable state.
Wherever people are with their beliefs we have to be curious to find out what these are, but do so in a way that is kind and respectful to show we are on their side.
Remember they’ll have their own a-ha moment
What influences you won’t influence your loved ones.
We’re all individuals and we assign different levels of meanings to different things.
Something enjoyable, small and easy to do for us, could just as easily be seen as difficult, big and hard to do for others.
We need to realize that everyone will have that one thing that knocks down the domino of their beliefs and allows them to change their ways without friction.
Once our a-ha moment passes we don’t give it any further thought, we’ve become a new person now because of a new breakthrough in mindset.
However, that original a-ha moment is the thing that we all needed that set us off in a positive trajectory.
Be patient with your loved ones to find theirs, it may surprise you as to what it could be but it’ll be worth it when it comes.
Play the long game
Don’t give up trying to be a positive influence but always keep in mind everyone has their own journey.
They may be beginning their journey of self inquisition and starting to become more naturally aware of themselves and their patterns and starting to self-correct with little input from you.
While there’ll also be some that need a constant snap back into reality and more of a nudge from you, varying in approach from tough love to warm patience depending on their needs.
Just remember our job as the positive role model and the influencer is to keep integrity.
If we mean what we say we have to stay consistent, we have to keep doing the right actions and we have to be patient.
Change takes time but we can give ourselves a better chance of it happening sooner rather than later for our loved ones, by being that person they can’t not respect.
Summary
- Get to people’s beliefs and figure out how they see things. But always be kind when being curious.
- Understand what’s important to you may not be as important to them. They’ll have that one a-ha moment that clicks and changes their beliefs, but no one can predict when.
- Remember change takes time for everyone at different rates. So keep at it and keep patient.
And maybe most important of all, keep being that person of integrity who has no issues in walking the walk. Show that change can be done.
